Here I am in class
trying to keep awake
I struggle against the gripping jaws
of sleep I don't want to take
I try to fight my urges
but I know that I am gone
I'm slowly being pulled under
to sleep which I know is wrong
my mind starts to wander
my eyes start to close
I know that I am losing it
and with it my mind just goes
So I slip into a sleep
dreaming about a cake
until I hear a sharp voice
the teacher made me wake
Young man she yelled
would you get up now
and slowly I raised my head
and listened to her growl
Shut up I screamed
get off my back
she looked at me with anger
and told me to go pack
So out of school I went
and walked back to my home
told my mum what happened
got beaten to the bone
So now I've learned my lesson
always get some sleep
otherwise in class you'll find
you'll end up in trouble deep
Well, i wrote this poem when i was feeling kinda tired. I couldn't think of anything else to write about. It is just a made up story. And although i have never actually been in that kinda situation before, i have come pretty close. There were times when the only reason why i didn't fall asleep was because of the fact that I knew how much trouble i would get in. I guess this poem is just to tell you that you should get a good nights sleep, or face the consequences
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
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2 comments:
Nice poem Ronny
I like the meataphor you used in the 3rd line, with the gripping jaws.
I also appreciate how you have used rhyming in your poem. I find it really hard to make good rhyming poems, so good work.
I like the way you described the teacher. It reminded me of a certain PE teacher that we know.
I think the part about the cake is a bit random.
The best part was the violence in the 7th stanza, where you get beaten to the bone
Very Good Poem,
i liked it - like adrian said, its hard to make a rhyming poem that makes sense!, the first two paragraphs were good - nice adjectives like "I'm slowly being pulled under to sleep which i know is wrong".
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